I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
