She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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