I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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