I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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