we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I forget how to act sober
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
