We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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