chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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