Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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