you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
