We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
