so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
