The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
