I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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