also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
