GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
