There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
