I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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