the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
