Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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