I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just high enough for therapy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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