he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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