I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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