I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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