i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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