when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
