Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
false alarm, still single
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
