You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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