dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
