I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
