Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
