I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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