Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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