Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
