forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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