Don't make out with my wife yet
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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