Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
