he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
