It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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