Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
