Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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