my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
