No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize