Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
