So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
