I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
