There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
