and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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