she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
