It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
