I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
