After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
