the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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