sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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