Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
