can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
