Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
