I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
