Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
