i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
