??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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