Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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