My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Randomize
