I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
