its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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