I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
