shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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