Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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