She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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