youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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