Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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