I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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