the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
