dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
