Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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