apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
