Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
