So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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