Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
